Family time

Spending time with my family this summer was a little different than last Thanksgiving. During Thanksgiving I was super strict and careful about what I ate. I think I wanted to make an impression on my family and show them that you can eat this way and still enjoy yourself.

Well I must have felt I already made that impression because I went a little sugar crazy over the summer. I suppose I still ate my five guys sans bread, and my birthday cake was gluten free and the icing was made with rice milk (which by the way all that was made by me for my own birthday. I only asked that I didn’t have to clean up, haha.)

It was a great time getting to be with the whole family again and it definitely makes more sense to visit my sisters house during the summer. Wisconsin in the fall is just no fun at all.

My new normal

Ok so my back has been KILLING me over the last few weeks.  I’m pretty sure it all started when I went to some retreat with the women from my church.  It was a great experience and all but I realized then that my back is just not cut out for bad bunk beds, hikes, and sitting indian style.  From that weekend onwards there’s always been a bit of pain that I couldn’t seem to shift.  And then WHAM!  One day after seeing my chiropractor it all just gave out and I had to drive my car the 15 min it takes to get home in extreme pain and agony.  Like deep moaning during labor pain.

Well today while I was still in pain and basically can do nothing but lay in bed I realized that actually I’m doing SO MUCH MORE than just laying in bed.  I’m laying there having a complete pity party on myself when my husband stops me and says “What do you call all that downstairs cooking? Because I don’t call that nothing”  And then I realized in spite of all my pain I still managed to cook a beef heart stew, make chicken broth and render down the fat from the heart to get some tallow.  Not to mention I still took the time to soak oatmeal for tomorrow and make more homemade coconut milk kefir…WHAT?!

When did this happen that whipping up a stew with organ meat is so normal to me now that whilst doing it I felt like I was doing nothing!  I mean even just a year ago I swear putting in a Stouffer’s lasagna in the oven was hard work.  Wow I really need to get off my own back and realize the progress I’ve made over the last few years.  So what that the house is a mess?  So what if my daughter is maybe watching one too many Elmo’s since I can’t play with her.  I’m in a season in my life right now where I just have to survive.  And again if I’m surviving off home made organ meats, broth and tallow then I think life is going to be alright.

The journey of her birth

In honor of my daughter’s birthday coming up this Saturday I went back to re-read all the posts I had written up on a forum board I visited often during my pregnancy.  It was really moving to read them and I would love to collate them all in one place and share them with you.

 Feb 14th, 2011, 05:37 AM
Welp ladies this is it. I’m so sorry to jump the line Lucky but my waters went tonight around 4am. I thought I was peeing myself until I realized I had no control! hahaha. I smacked hubby to get up cause he wasn’t waking up when I said his name like 5 times,  So he got me a towel and I waddled the best I could to the bathroom. I thought I left most in bed, turns out half was on the towel and even more in the toilet! No real contractions as of yet. I’ve got hubby to blow up the pool but I don’t know about filling it up yet. It does take like 3 hours though.

Feb 14th, 2011, 09:04 AM
MW [midwife] here as around 7:30 I was having them around 3min apart. She’s checked me and everything looks fine. Still haven’t done an internal as things aren’t exactly regular so I’ve opted to wait a bit longer. They are coming in quite strong though. WOO!

Feb 15th, 2011, 18:13 PM
Hey ladies! Just sitting here part way naked with a hot water bottle being held on my back by MiL while trying to munch down a sandwich. Or in other words, still in labour! So far it’s not exactly what I though it would be like. I started having contractions about 3 min apart after an hour after my waters broke which didn’t let up so we called the midwife in. Long story short I was ready for the pool my body at only 1cm was not. And later on while they were still coming at 3 min sometimes 2 I was ready for pool my body was not at 2cm. Distress insued and a transfer to the hospital happened around 3pm. I cried the whole way. I felt like a failure.

Got to the hospital was told I could get into the bath to which I got a bit snippy and said I wanted to get in the pool in my own what the heck was the difference?! So laboured in the bath for 3 hours. I must say it was the best part of the whole day. While being at home the midwife was constantly on top of me, monitoring Babs and my heart rate. Taking my blood pressure. But it was JUST me and hubby in the room while I was in the bath from 3 hours and it was bliss. I sucked on my gas and air while the contractions still made their way and thought I was going to enjoy my birth again.

That was until everything STOPPED once I got out of the pool. Like seriously went from at least 5 6 min apart at the most to 2 an hour. So I slept over in the hospital since it was so late by this point. But when I got up in the morning wanted to go home, which worked out well as they were super full and wanted to get rid of me! hahaha. BTW For a hospital that wanted rid of me they sure did take their sweet time dischargin me, geez! Was told at 6am I was to go home didn’t leave till like 10.

So she did one final internal at my request (How weird it was to actually fight for my right to an internal. This whole time I thought it would be the opposite!) To which I was still only 2cm

So I’m back home ladies *sigh* Just over 37 hours since everything started and only getting contractions very sporadically. I’m due in tomorrow morning for antibiotics which I agreed to but said I won’t be getting induced if me and babs are fine, but they seemed ok with that. Unless of course I go tonight *fingers crossed*

The crazy thing is my sister flies in tomorrow at 2:30 after all this joking around she may actually make it to see the birth! hahaha.

 Feb 15th, 2011, 22:07 PM
You ladies are amazing!!! Me and my new best friend Gas and Air love you all to bits!

 Feb 20th, 2011, 15:49 PM
Hi ladies I’m here. So after 62 hours and the worst day of my life the thing living inside of me is now out. Not sure how I feel about it. Still processing a lot of emotions. Obviously didn’t get my home birth in the end. Wound up on the operating table for over 2 hours while put under. I have to take a break from here for a while. After reading a few things and even with how amazing you all are I only feel anger and jealousy. Thank you so much for every thing you’ve done I guess my body is just useless.

Sugar Detox round 2!

Yesterday was crazy.  I spent most of the day trying to perfect my daughters cupcakes for her birthday but forgot to eat anything during the process!  Since her birthday will fall right in the middle of the next 21 Day Sugar Detox I knew I had to get all the test baking in on Sunday.  But I think I had one too many taste tests because I turned into a complete disaster.

I had no patience with anything or anyone.  My daughters cries were going right through me and I said to my husband all I wanted to do was punch her. I mean really?!  But yes I did! That’s how insane I was.  I then stormed out of the house because I was fighting with my husband and honestly nervous over what I would throw at him.

Here’s the good part though, in the past when these kind of things would happen the first place I would go is through the taco bell drive through.  I’m not joking when I say I would get the 10 taco meal deal, but just for me.  It was like I would want to punish myself for being so crazy and make myself so full until I was sick.

Well I did go through the drive thru again, but I didn’t stop I just kept driving.  I was even adamantly trying to shut God out and NOT listen to him because I just wanted the sweet relief of a crunchy taco in my mouth.  God is so amazing though and knew the true desires of my heart and seriously I felt him push my foot down and steer the wheel the opposite direction.  It was an amazing feeling overcoming something that had been such a huge part of my life for the past year.

To try and break the habit I went over to Starbucks and got a peppermint tea.  I sipped on that and read my book while I tried to relax before going home.

Then that night I felt like I had the flu!  I could barely move I was in so much pain, I was just so achey. I took my temperature I thought I had for sure caught something. But nope I was fine, and it was then I realized I was having the opposite effect of carb flu.  I had in fact had TOO MUCH sugar and was getting sick because of it!  Crazy to think I of all people could have too much sugar.  Even it was all in the form of dark chocolate, maple syrup and honey.

I woke up this morning with a crazy headache and just resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to get over this sugar hangover for the rest of the day.  Thankfully I started to feel better later on.  And the one good thing about all this was when I went out to dinner tonight with some of my girl friends I didn’t even think twice about dipping into their fondue deserts.  There was no way I wanted to feel that way again.

Day 12 – A half way point treat day

I had 5 treats today

1. I got to sleep in!  Since I had to go to the Chiropractors this afternoon but had to leave before my daughter went down for a nap, my husband got up with her and took her to the park.  So I even got to get ready in an empty house!  That’s like treat 1.5
2. Shopping alone.  After getting cracked back into place, I headed over to Whole Foods to get some shopping done. When I have to go with the wee one she is constantly trying to grab the things I’ve put into the cart.  And constantly saying “please, please, please” to all the fruit she sees.  So yes, shopping alone is a treat.  I also love Whole Foods because they have Kombucha on tap. Mmmmm
3. Chipotle!!  I took my Kombucha and headed over to Chipotle. I could seriously eat there every day of my life if I could afford it. I usually get a salad, no dressing, rice, chicken, mild salsa, cheese, sour cream, guac and top it all with some more lettuce. I wouldn’t normally eat dairy, but I always make the exception for Chipotle and have never gotten sick.  I always say it’s nothing other than a blessing by God, Chipotle without sour cream would be criminal.
4. Movie time! Since I had gotten everything done so early and I still had loads of time I went to go see a movie!  I had originally wanted to see Les Mis, but the time tables didn’t work out in my favor so instead I went to go see Silver Linings.  It was just alright.  I mean it was interesting and definitely entertaining, but I would have rather spent $1 at Redbox renting it that $9.50 to see in in the theater.
5. Playdate. For some people this may not have been a treat but for me it is.  I got to watch my friends little girl tonight.  She is the same age as my daughter so they always have so much fun together.  It’s a treat for me because it means I don’t actually have to do that much work.  You would think having 2 instead of 1 means MORE work, but when they just entertain themselves it means I have time to get stuff done without a toddler hanging off my leg begging for my attention.  I also just love watching her interact with her friends. It’s just so cute watching her grow up like that. As a result of the playdate I just had a quick dinner while hubby gave the girls a bath.  Some homemade chicken soup with a chicken mayonnaise salad.  (My homemade mayo rocks!)

Day 5 & 6

On Day 5 (Saturday) it was my hubby’s birthday!  I managed to actually think up a few presents to get him this year, usually it’s hard enough to think of things to get him for Christmas let alone turn around a week later and get something more!  I had also decided to take him out on a proper date so I got us a groupon deal (cheeap! woo!) to some greek restaurant and then got us tickets to go see the Hobbit!

The restaurant was fantastic!  We started off some some grape leaves stuffed with lamb meat, moved on to a deliciously simple greek salad, we also managed to splurge on some crazy awesome humus (we scooped it up with cucumbers, yum!) You can imagine by the time our main course came we were nearly done.  So we ate a little and packed up the rest to have as a midnight snack when we got home.  Hubby got some sort of eggplant meal, and I got this wonderful pepper stuffed with sirloin and lamb meat, vegetables and some rice.  Yes the rice was a bit more than I would normally eat, but it was also a special occasion so I wasn’t bothered.

On day 6 (Sunday) I had so much grocery shopping to get done but woke up with seriously no energy at all.  I suppose staying up until 1am and eating a bit more than normal will still take a toll on you.  But of course I thought to myself

well I’m going to feel this anyways I should have just had cake and alcohol. *sigh*  I know it does no good to think that way so I had to remind myself why I’m doing this.  Not just to feel better, or to lose weight, but to realize I need to rely on God an not on food.

I got some lunch while at Whole Foods.  Their food bar is seriously one of my favorite places to eat because they have the ingredients list on EVERYTHING!  Which means no second guessing, and no looking the other way and pretending I don’t taste all that sugar in whatever I’m eating.

They didn’t have too much I wanted or could have that day so I just went with a salad filled to the max.  Lettuce, eggs, radish, carrots, turkey, green onions, feta cheese and then topped it all off with a balsamic vinegar/olive oil mix.  That together with my kombucha on tap (seriously why can’t everywhere in the world have kombucha on tap) made for a great lunch.

For dinner that night I just roasted a chicken with some veg and had that to round off the weekend.  I intend to use the chicken and broth to make some soup and a chicken salad for the week to come.

God’s power vs willpower

I don’t know what is wrong with me but I am spiraling out of control.

Burgers and fries on Thursday, egg rolls and teriyaki wings on Friday, candy canes, sugar cover almonds, slices of cheese, sugar laden lemonades, nuts covered in rancid oils. Ugh.  It’s like I’ve lost the plot. And I can tell it’s effected me so much more than just my IBS.  I am moody, and anxious.  I want to cry at any given moment, I’m back to fighting with my husband constantly.  I’m yelling at my daughter.  I just have no patience.  And yet I continue to eat.

I know what I need to do, I need to turn to Christ. I need his grace and his love to get me back on track.  I need to remember everything IS permissible.  It just may not be beneficial. My chiropractor, God bless him, I think has been partly the cause of some of this.  His words to me of stopping all sugars, even fruit.  Of just being better and not eating out AT ALL has caused me to resort to my old ways of rebellion.

Before that I had gotten into a good rhythm with God.  I knew I could have taco bell and chocolate cake whenever I wanted. That wasn’t the problem.  The problem was I wanted it more than I wanted my relationship with God and so I knew who I needed to turn to.  My chiro has be thinking I need to turn inward and into myself again and just have the willpower to stop.  Well I will tell you this, there is no such things as will power. Only God’s power and I need to be in search of that again.

Our first paleo thanksgiving dinner

I just had the most amazing Thanksgiving dinner.  I can’t believe I actually managed to keep myself entirely Paleo the whole time. Nope, not even once did stuffing or biscuits touch these lips!  God is just so good!  I’m so excited that he gave me so much strength and willpower on a day I wasn’t sure I would be able to handle it.  We even managed to convince my dad, who has prepared the turkey the same way for over 20 years, NOT to stuff it with regular stove top stuffing this year and just to stuff it with veg so that there would be no cross contamination.  Let me tell you, it’s only by the grace of God that man could change his mind, lol.

I did wind up doing a lot of cooking.  I suppose I had to if I wanted to eat the way I wanted to.  But it was nice because other than my husband and daughter who naturally eat the same way.  My mother and sister both are trying to eat better so it felt good to be cooking for them as well.

And though I didn’t particularly like everything I cooked, it all seemed to get a good reception.  The bacon and sweet potato biscuits seemed to be a huge hit with the kids, and the garlic mashed cauliflower was a success.  My mom really enjoyed those.  I did end up having some regular mashed potatoes as well but we convinced my brother to make some without the milk and butter only so that we could enjoy them.  (My sister with her MS need to stay away from milk as well)

We made so much food though it lasted nearly 5 days later.  The thing is, in the past all that food would have just gotten eaten up by at least the next morning.  We’re a big family, and I don’t mean in numbers.  So what was amazing was seeing the way God was shaping and changing all of us.  (Well really only some of us, my brother is dangerously huge now)  We just didn’t need to eat the amount of food we had in the past. I can’t wait to see what next year brings, and just how much healthier we each can be.  I know for me personally it’s a goal to be 100lbs lighter and hopefully pregnant by this time next year.  But it’s all in God’s timing and I’m happy to go along for the ride.