In honor of my daughter’s birthday coming up this Saturday I went back to re-read all the posts I had written up on a forum board I visited often during my pregnancy. It was really moving to read them and I would love to collate them all in one place and share them with you.
Feb 14th, 2011, 05:37 AM Welp ladies this is it. I’m so sorry to jump the line Lucky but my waters went tonight around 4am. I thought I was peeing myself until I realized I had no control! hahaha. I smacked hubby to get up cause he wasn’t waking up when I said his name like 5 times, So he got me a towel and I waddled the best I could to the bathroom. I thought I left most in bed, turns out half was on the towel and even more in the toilet! No real contractions as of yet. I’ve got hubby to blow up the pool but I don’t know about filling it up yet. It does take like 3 hours though.
Feb 14th, 2011, 09:04 AM MW [midwife] here as around 7:30 I was having them around 3min apart. She’s checked me and everything looks fine. Still haven’t done an internal as things aren’t exactly regular so I’ve opted to wait a bit longer. They are coming in quite strong though. WOO!
Feb 15th, 2011, 18:13 PM Hey ladies! Just sitting here part way naked with a hot water bottle being held on my back by MiL while trying to munch down a sandwich. Or in other words, still in labour! So far it’s not exactly what I though it would be like. I started having contractions about 3 min apart after an hour after my waters broke which didn’t let up so we called the midwife in. Long story short I was ready for the pool my body at only 1cm was not. And later on while they were still coming at 3 min sometimes 2 I was ready for pool my body was not at 2cm. Distress insued and a transfer to the hospital happened around 3pm. I cried the whole way. I felt like a failure.
Got to the hospital was told I could get into the bath to which I got a bit snippy and said I wanted to get in the pool in my own what the heck was the difference?! So laboured in the bath for 3 hours. I must say it was the best part of the whole day. While being at home the midwife was constantly on top of me, monitoring Babs and my heart rate. Taking my blood pressure. But it was JUST me and hubby in the room while I was in the bath from 3 hours and it was bliss. I sucked on my gas and air while the contractions still made their way and thought I was going to enjoy my birth again.
That was until everything STOPPED once I got out of the pool. Like seriously went from at least 5 6 min apart at the most to 2 an hour. So I slept over in the hospital since it was so late by this point. But when I got up in the morning wanted to go home, which worked out well as they were super full and wanted to get rid of me! hahaha. BTW For a hospital that wanted rid of me they sure did take their sweet time dischargin me, geez! Was told at 6am I was to go home didn’t leave till like 10.
So she did one final internal at my request (How weird it was to actually fight for my right to an internal. This whole time I thought it would be the opposite!) To which I was still only 2cm
So I’m back home ladies *sigh* Just over 37 hours since everything started and only getting contractions very sporadically. I’m due in tomorrow morning for antibiotics which I agreed to but said I won’t be getting induced if me and babs are fine, but they seemed ok with that. Unless of course I go tonight *fingers crossed*
The crazy thing is my sister flies in tomorrow at 2:30 after all this joking around she may actually make it to see the birth! hahaha.
Feb 15th, 2011, 22:07 PM You ladies are amazing!!! Me and my new best friend Gas and Air love you all to bits!
Feb 20th, 2011, 15:49 PM Hi ladies I’m here. So after 62 hours and the worst day of my life the thing living inside of me is now out. Not sure how I feel about it. Still processing a lot of emotions. Obviously didn’t get my home birth in the end. Wound up on the operating table for over 2 hours while put under. I have to take a break from here for a while. After reading a few things and even with how amazing you all are I only feel anger and jealousy. Thank you so much for every thing you’ve done I guess my body is just useless.
So today I went out on a date tonight with hubby. It was something we both really needed so I was so glad to be doing it. A local church was having a drop off where for only $2! we could drop off our kids from 5:30-8:30. 3 hours for only $2! We ended up just giving them a $5 bill and told them to keep it. Probably should have given them more though they’re so amazing.
Hubby and I went to Dave and Busters for dinner and then spent about an hour playing on all the arcade games there. Ever been to D&B’s? It’s like chuck e cheese for grown ups. Seriously so much fun.
For dinner I had a surprisingly healthy entree. Salmon, spinach and rice. Can’t get much better than that? Sometimes it pains me to eat out though because I know the Salmon has been farmed, the spinach is loaded with pesticide and everything has been cooked in some sort of vegetable oil. But I realize it’s a special occasion and to do the best I can. I definitely had something that is a BIG 21 Day Sugar Detox. Sangria! hahaha. What can I say? It was our valentines day date. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.
I did it!! Finally! nearly 2 years later and I’m FINALLY at my pre pregnancy weight. That also means that I have officially lost 50lbs!! WOOT WOOT! Praise God! It’s of course still overwhelming to think I need to lose at least another 50lbs until we can start trying again for baby #2. And that I could actually do with losing more like 80lbs. But I know that I’m so much more reliant on God now than I was back when all this started. Also he has just showed me so many amazing ways in which the Paleo diet can do amazing things for me and my family. And even now how to start incorporating more whole foods that maybe aren’t “paleo” But are still super nutritious when prepared the right way. That makes this adventure so much more exciting and sustaining!
Yesterday was crazy. I spent most of the day trying to perfect my daughters cupcakes for her birthday but forgot to eat anything during the process! Since her birthday will fall right in the middle of the next 21 Day Sugar Detox I knew I had to get all the test baking in on Sunday. But I think I had one too many taste tests because I turned into a complete disaster.
I had no patience with anything or anyone. My daughters cries were going right through me and I said to my husband all I wanted to do was punch her. I mean really?! But yes I did! That’s how insane I was. I then stormed out of the house because I was fighting with my husband and honestly nervous over what I would throw at him.
Here’s the good part though, in the past when these kind of things would happen the first place I would go is through the taco bell drive through. I’m not joking when I say I would get the 10 taco meal deal, but just for me. It was like I would want to punish myself for being so crazy and make myself so full until I was sick.
Well I did go through the drive thru again, but I didn’t stop I just kept driving. I was even adamantly trying to shut God out and NOT listen to him because I just wanted the sweet relief of a crunchy taco in my mouth. God is so amazing though and knew the true desires of my heart and seriously I felt him push my foot down and steer the wheel the opposite direction. It was an amazing feeling overcoming something that had been such a huge part of my life for the past year.
To try and break the habit I went over to Starbucks and got a peppermint tea. I sipped on that and read my book while I tried to relax before going home.
Then that night I felt like I had the flu! I could barely move I was in so much pain, I was just so achey. I took my temperature I thought I had for sure caught something. But nope I was fine, and it was then I realized I was having the opposite effect of carb flu. I had in fact had TOO MUCH sugar and was getting sick because of it! Crazy to think I of all people could have too much sugar. Even it was all in the form of dark chocolate, maple syrup and honey.
I woke up this morning with a crazy headache and just resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to get over this sugar hangover for the rest of the day. Thankfully I started to feel better later on. And the one good thing about all this was when I went out to dinner tonight with some of my girl friends I didn’t even think twice about dipping into their fondue deserts. There was no way I wanted to feel that way again.
I lost the plot today. I let myself get too hungry when I was out with my daughter so instead of being able to calmly order a yummy Mediterranean salad I also had to go and get a side of yummy fries. Ugh potatoes are my downfall! I then came home and had the biggest sweet tooth. First I ate one of my daughters dried fruit snacks and then I remembered something. There is a box of gobstoppers in the car glove box!
Yes, there really was a box. I had bought a box months ago when I was in a sad place and wanted something sweet at a movie theater, then I hid them in the car when I got home so hubby wouldn’t find out. Yea, not so good. And for some reason I forgot about them all this time until just now! I should have relied on God, I should have thrown them in the dumpster by our place, or poured soap all over them. Instead I shut out what I should have done and went outside to read my book and snack on gobstoppers.
I had such a nice an relaxing time. It really bugs me now when I look back on it. Like why do I need to be eating something sweet in order to be having a good time? Sometimes I get so frustrated when things like this happen because I’ve been feeling so good about everything and have been doing so well. This definitely shows me I need another 21 days of no sugar though. *sigh*
So as a way to help direct my sugar cravings towards a better path I spent some time making pumpkin doughnuts tonight. Probably wasn’t the best to eat two of them right after though. The crazy thing is even though my stomach is hurting (which by the way is scaring me) I feel like I could eat two more. What is up with that?!
So I went to a birthday party this morning for one of my daughter’s friends. It was at an indoor climbing play space and it was actually kid of fun. The problem came when it was time for lunch and my friend (the host) just bought a bunch of pizza, fries, chicken fingers and corn dogs for everyone to go along with their cupcakes. Naturally.
I would have to say all in all it went ok. I managed to think ahead and pack some leftover from dinner for myself, and some oatmeal and an apple for my daughter. (We soak our oatmeal, incase anyone is screaming “But the phytic acid!”) Turns out we were both pretty satisfied with our choices. A few of my friends made joke that my little girl desperately wanted a piece of pizza as she kept reaching for what they had. I simply said anything you have in your hand she wants. Even if it was brussel sprouts because that’s what she’s like, she just wants what every anyone else has.
I did go ahead and give her some of the fries though. Of all the things that were there, they were the one thing she could reasonably have and it was nice to not be the freaks eating out of tupperware and have some of what my friends were offering. So yes truth time, I had some fries as well. I managed to stay completely away from the cupcakes though. I mean I knew I couldn’t have the gluten in them but even part of me was starting to justify just having the icing!!! Oi Vey! Thankfully God put my thoughts right. As a result I maybe ate one too many fries.
Would I have liked to not have eaten any? Yes of course! And I feel like one day I will get there. But I have to remember progress is progress, and less than a year ago, even while living “paleo”, I did indulge in a cupcake (ok two actually, and a few cookies). So wow I have come a long way.
And because of all of that tonight I am making pumpkin muffins and sneaking a few chocolate chips in. When does the next 21 DSD start? hahaha
So today is the first day post detox. I seem to be crazy hungry today and I’m not quite sure why. Where as usually a cup of broth or tea is just fine for breakfast today I was ravished! So I made some breakfast for a change!! I had 2 eggs scrambled, a couple sausages and then I had the most delicious tasting mandarine ever! hahaha. I found these gems at the farmers market on Sunday and bought a few looking forward to being able to eat them starting today.
I weighed in this morning still at 227. That puts me at a total of 8lbs for the 3 weeks. A part of me was really upset by that though. I mean COME ON! No sugar and awesome eating for a whole week and no loss?! But then I realize when I have thoughts like that, that I’m not healed from my past disorders. This detox wasn’t about losing weight it was about getting myself right with God. About knowing that I didn’t need sugar for fulfillment I need Him. I thought I had gotten there but apparently I still have a lot of growing to do.
So I put up my scale and I’m going to allow myself some fruit until Feb 4th. That’s when another round of the 21 DSD starts up and this time I’m going to try and move up a level. I still have a desire to be a goal weight by my birthday (June). And maybe that’s not ok, maybe I need to pray about that. I need to be happy with being a healthier me.
You know what the problem is though? I don’t feel healthier. Just yesterday my back was killing me! I couldn’t sit or stand without getting comfortable, my bowel movements are horrible again and I’ve been getting stomach aches after eating. For the last couple of dinner it’s barely been 30 min until I have RUN to the bathroom. And just this morning after breakfast I felt ill. So I still have a lot of discovering to do.
I have been incorporating more exercises yesterday and today in the hopes of helping out with my back pain. I had gotten a bit bored with the 21 DSD workouts so I decided to mix it up a bit. My goal now is to try and run a mile a few times a week and see how my times are doing. Today I “ran” a mile in 16:10. I remember when I was in highschool I could run a mile in just under 13 min, and when I was 21 and first lost all my weight I could just about reach that if I killed myself. So I always have 13 as my magic number. After the running I still do a lot of the strength training that was in the 21 DSD workout guide, just put in my own order and routine.